throw it over here

the bone

toss it high into the sky

see its twisting spiral descent

wonder of its internal lattice

easy for the eyes yes

looking to the sky

and imagine the reality of freedom

the cage of person

the relief of one

imagining the possible

touches into sweetness

the only one


-Lahmadaj

...

it is easy and will not stop when eyes are closed

will not stop when hands release

will begin each moment


-Lahmadaj

oma

will you go
and wait for us

the turning earth

love the love
finding a golden stone

will we stay to see the rise the fall
continuous water elated

i'll smile thinking of you
in the light of sun and bird song

may my worth be great
and you to dancing

-Lahmadaj

Even

watching others
one's self is lost
at least my self

learned to give it
everyone can be this way
that is not true

easy lives and children houses
makes me jealous
even still

I grow old
my inside is the same
not sure where

eats a lot of creation
tells one to sleep
wish I were gone or free

would like to be more fortified

perhaps in the distance


-Lahmadaj

spoken

to the ear of one
Jupiter high a path to moon
can't believe the shine
light inside warm curved surface
easy to see

one day
hope for
something

near to the excitement
and power below

will look for you


-Lahmadaj

Even in Night

your shine is apparent

didn't realize you were so inspired

handsome eyes framed by geometry

would you lean closer

speaking

jovial in the smoke

i have nothing to say because you mesmerize me with your powerful words

i completely understand

will you and i meet

in the space of no time

perhaps


-Lahmadaj

I laugh

and think to myself

about the times i've accidentally sold my truth for the social ease

i waste my time thinking and imagining the froth of possibilities

look back and see myself the same despite my growing age
wonder when i can share this with another
there was one; no longer
myself again and the earth
like the first day

wonder if I'll change myself into something new
a pattern repeated a pattern

i'm unhinged compared to most americans
still chained to the cycle
vices
loneliness
inadequate resources
finite

I think and laugh to myself
despite all this
the air still feels so good

the light meets my eye
and my skin delivers

-Lahmadaj

Ren Hoek

"Oh cru-el fate, what is this heinous trick thou hast played upon me!?"

old dudes

so my old dude calls me up today
we hang out sometimes though we are no longer lovers
we love each other
we don't have sex
we aren't together
we talk occasionally

we sometimes play tennis or ride bikes
we've been trying to play the last week but our schedules don't work well

i tried calling him today because i was thinking about him
kept thinking about his glasses and his eyes

worked sort of late
got off work and felt the descent of the brain swell mind hell
life's depression forever lingering
one day it will stop-- hey kids, do you know when that is?

he calls me up after i eat dinner
cool to talk to him
he tells me all his successes about the job offers he's accepted and the multiple positions he is getting that he didn't think would work out but everything seems to be working well and he is hooked up and he was worrying about it for weeks and acting like he'd never get a job or have his dreams fulfilled. but now he's getting a raise and a great new position and another avenue is opening

he tells me about it tonight on the phone
i am glad to hear he got them, honestly, because i am also proud of him
but as i listen, i begin to feel inadequate myself; please see the brain swell hell already in place
towards the end of our conversation, that has now gone on for an hour of shared topics and him telling me his successes and relief for such a great day and the gratitude he felt for his life,

he states: oh and A, i wanted to talk to you about something. i don't think you've been a very good friend lately.  it was awkward hanging out with you such and such a day.  you seemed distant and different.

i couldn't recall a reason why, and i don't know if one existed other than we don't hang out that often any more and i had some things on my mind while playing tennis; who knows

now the cloud is suddenly darker and looms from months old
relationship sludge thickly coating my shoulders and feet
fuck this again; he's so good at the mind fuck, and innocently so
tactless

spent 2 years thrown about his innocent manipulation and diva like hijinks
and my own characteristics flailing

eventually we got off the phone

to plan another day to hang
i'd like to but wonder if i'll be more myself now that he's said weird shit, a good chance not
but i may be able to handle it; freedom

now i'll spend the next hours of wakefulness ignoring our conversation and all the words he said bouncing around my skull

i'll think about dying and the hell which is human awareness and love when collided with ego

i'll try to read a book or soothe my mind
or listen to music
or tend my plants

but inside i'll know it is all still there
all the love and understanding
all the mysterious unknowns
the awareness of the infinite expanse of all
and the feeling of the inability to share it entirely

and i'll hope to forget everything

the song



-Lahmadaj

--

'I'm an American

not a bump in the road'

as a fellow rebel-slave of the giant monster

i think we may just be a bump in the road

the trick is to send them flying

or to not be on the road

-Lahmadaj

hey

friend

nice

to hear

hey friend

nice

to share

yo friend

it

is good

-lahmadaj

high

light
the
heat
flower

deep
inside
slowly
extinguished

ease
the
solid
turn

it's
my
turn
to
go
a
way


-lahmadaj

..

America!

we'll constantly lie to ourselves and each other

America!

it's mine, i want it, you're my competition

America!

cold war yeah, hide your head, show me your teeth

don't forget to bitch about nothing

America!

hey that's what i'm doing.

-Lahmadaj

well

I guess since the rapture is delayed/non-existent

we'll all have to start taking responsibility for ourselves

oh wait, we can just make up something else to relinquish reality to the imaginary
-------------------
infinite wheel

won't you try stepping off



-Lahmadaj

Catch you later Harpo

Oprah

many celebrities showed up to say thanks/goodbye at her double, 2nd to last, episode.

all sorts of glitz showed to say gush gush to the rich woman

"Oprah Winfrey, because of you women everywhere have graduated to a new level of understanding of who we are, of what we are and, most of all, who we can be," Beyoncé said. Chicago AP


yeah except normal women.  Beyonce, Madonna, enter fan of stars (paycheck anyone)

you're not horrible Oprah, but you are not realistic, you are grandeur of american wealth that all the midwest ladies pine for and keep miniature models of close to their hearts and clitorides

Oprah, if you see this, I could use a new car, or maybe a vacation to some exotic place like NYC or even Portland, or even a chance to 'make my dreams come true'

sometimes not sure if I'm cutthroat enough for the amassing of uselessness

thank the sun for music
thank my ears
will sing in my death
and escape the earth
also to remain


-Lahmadaj