it's difficult

to love

someone

then begin finding out later

more of how he thinks

yeah not so attracted to you

when you start 

talking to me in that way

asking me

finding out the narrow

motive behind the question

his assuming definitions of words

may be too f. to fix

that's what he wanted

maybe 

that's what I wanted

-Lahmadaj

I wish

to rip out these lymph nodes and burn them in a pail
I want to laugh as they melt into charred flesh and the pain leaves my body
I want to continue to dismantle this form

run around asking questions
someone gives you an answer
thinking it not so useful
run around asking questions

no one has any fucking idea

I have no idea

I had an idea, many actually

but the thrash has diminished them
the coarse iron that grates and scrapes my back
once pulled
once pushed
continue infinite

thought had made it
thought it would be better
spent so much time as younger doing what was needed
none was needed
to end here stupid and bored
my center heavy and raw
tried for the moon
tired

soothe that ache little one there is no world there is no one

again with the broken
throw on more fuel
disappear in its blazing

-Lahmadaj