it was fairly late

no one was around me
i sat alone
my cacti grew on the left
the light on
making music
i may never hear
thinking about another life
knowing it's impossible
did we fall away
is he already gone
not sure

-Lahmadaj

last night

I went to hear four bands play in a basement in Seattle's central district.  This concert occurred Sunday July 18.  I arrived to hear the last 3/4's of the last song of the first band.  The remaining three bands followed.  I drank beer before I attended this show.  I asked some people to join me, but none could make it.  I drank beer during this show.  I've been to this house a number of times, almost always alone since I don't know many people.  It was one dude's birthday.  This fellow lives at the venue house.  He also played in a band for this show. He is a cool guy and friendly.  He's turning 34 on Tuesday.  Between bands, I spent sometime wondering around outside looking into the sky.  There were a moderate amount of attendees at this concert.  Many concert goers smoke and talk outside between sets.  Some people know each other and have been associated in their lives. There were a few stars in the sky; I saw the big dipper by accident.  It was about to dump galactic dippables onto a smoking party-goer.  Nothing fell from the sky.  I found the north star via BD's handle and thought, 'who cares what direction.'  I think I texted my lover at this point or drank more beer.  Quiet like the sky.


-Lahmadaj

remember

the first in
gets the knife
the last day
look at his hands
covered
you can not see them
his turned toe
softy lying
the look in eyes
the last day
first in


-Lahmadaj

one gets that slow draw

and the bed is deep and languid marking infinite slumber that is impossible with this body eventually to wake itself and see light the window is open and cool air enters from outside the click of a clock which does not exist in this room and the plants grow slow wish to have some other friend and a place to dance cannot get going down down is the sand and the life i used to know which of course is not this life my life unfolded and planted bright sitting in the air of sun to wonder what is next and the lengths to run


-Lahmadaj

'eyebrows

painted on their heads

a mouthful of rotting cavities

drinking coca-cola in the street...'

keep on

higher ground flounder sound and gallows turn the breaking point back to the beaches and the long slow pull drift early morning pissing by the way of earl and tend to sheep burning land is easy and free today is another day that is occurring and the night is here gone a lighted lantern and lidded eye

-Lahmadaj

I think

it's funny that no one reads these posts i was born in the east by some lakes there are big ones and the trees have all been used long ago pennsyltucky we'd call it and listen to the swoop of a swallow glide past the glass water top not many people like to read there some do I liked to but rarely had time since I was young and in school running around playing and trying to see


-Lahmadaj

...

convinced myself
not to continue this desire
as though some sage converted to **anity
only later in long stretches
a realization of perpetual imagining
the desire actual
only never to act
and float how one should
rarely every kicking
limbs into its current

or am I all the same


-Lahmadaj

this line

is bent

red apple

he knows what I'm sayin

dancing in the light

a pen draws and writes

look at me and laugh

thisfeelssoweird

and the fuzziness

glad to be here

thinking of the time

we are somewhere else

there are people here, but they have fake lives

a lot of prescribed needs via media face

that's definitely me

faked

we've convinced ourselves of the validity of a reality
we have described

it's so much easier

please earth fill me with music and freedom
make me see the truth
help me sway my anger for blindness and self-deception

give me music and dancing

watch the world fast bird arc in sky


-Lahmadaj

Glückwünsche

Christina and Michael

today they've been married

today i heard a song along the shore

the sound of winds and laughter

today my friend called me on his phone

included in the gathering

i smiled to think

could hear and see her face

the thick air to gently sway the fabric

a sun and spots of cloud

today they were married

today the force of dancing and singing

energy friends

and love

the sky unfolded

a clasp of hands

to kiss in the glinting breezes

it feels

so good

to have jobs

which allow me

not to worry about money

not searching craigslist

every f. day

not thinking about the man

on the f. way

free to spend no money

will spend my mind

in freedom of this space

of the teaching

sound and innocence

little adults

not worrying about cash

laugh laugh

feet

caress the ground

to forget myself

and release

free to do so at all moments

insinuate the constant attempt of this

may shift to actual

am one of the lucky ones

in the rise and fall a turning

the music forever swaying

can I make this

continue

of course nothing




-Lahmadaj

passive assggressive

i'll leave little mementos of my emotions

won't use the native language to communicate my desires

will instead place cryptic symbols to express my intent

and you'll have to guess what i want

i won't grow

i'll lie limp and wet behind an action or object discarded

i won't take responsibility for expression

but will rather wait and expect you to unravel its meaning

i will place the duty on you merely through displacement

you'll read my flaccid notes and wonder who the gucci bag really is

i'll pout and sadly go about my day

only child syndrome on the way

looking as though such a force

when nothing wells inside

cannot use words

but will expect you to hear me

filling a balloon

thousands of holes

you'll yawn at my inability


-Lahmadaj

the lines

purple

some orange
take flight quickly into risen cloud

blind my earthly eye


-Lahmadaj

I'm a f. idiot

been spending large portions of my life thinking others must see the world similar to me with such perceptions been assuming that i understood almost to a default and walking around with the head in my hands turning it this way and that watching the world go by in arcing swoops of vision to talk whilst it be upon my shoulders assumed things not worth and others worth and never finding through sense alone or exposure linked to its land



-Lahmadaj