Hear

the sound from moving air

guitar

love star

slow chord melody a sting

and the light

the sound of brokencontinuation

-Lahmadaj

winter

when the cold soul shall show its being

and the community separated

when the early light is all one will see

and the night is slow

when my ears are ringing

and turn this lie into symphony

-Lahmadaj

old dudes

so my old dude calls me up today
we hang out sometimes though we are no longer lovers
we love each other
we don't have sex
we aren't together
we talk occasionally

we sometimes play tennis or ride bikes
we've been trying to play the last week but our schedules don't work well

i tried calling him today because i was thinking about him
kept thinking about his glasses and his eyes

worked sort of late
got off work and felt the descent of the brain swell mind hell
life's depression forever lingering
one day it will stop-- hey kids, do you know when that is?

he calls me up after i eat dinner
cool to talk to him
he tells me all his successes about the job offers he's accepted and the multiple positions he is getting that he didn't think would work out but everything seems to be working well and he is hooked up and he was worrying about it for weeks and acting like he'd never get a job or have his dreams fulfilled. but now he's getting a raise and a great new position and another avenue is opening

he tells me about it tonight on the phone
i am glad to hear he got them, honestly, because i am also proud of him
but as i listen, i begin to feel inadequate myself; please see the brain swell hell already in place
towards the end of our conversation, that has now gone on for an hour of shared topics and him telling me his successes and relief for such a great day and the gratitude he felt for his life,

he states: oh and A, i wanted to talk to you about something. i don't think you've been a very good friend lately.  it was awkward hanging out with you such and such a day.  you seemed distant and different.

i couldn't recall a reason why, and i don't know if one existed other than we don't hang out that often any more and i had some things on my mind while playing tennis; who knows

now the cloud is suddenly darker and looms from months old
relationship sludge thickly coating my shoulders and feet
fuck this again; he's so good at the mind fuck, and innocently so
tactless

spent 2 years thrown about his innocent manipulation and diva like hijinks
and my own characteristics flailing

eventually we got off the phone

to plan another day to hang
i'd like to but wonder if i'll be more myself now that he's said weird shit, a good chance not
but i may be able to handle it; freedom

now i'll spend the next hours of wakefulness ignoring our conversation and all the words he said bouncing around my skull

i'll think about dying and the hell which is human awareness and love when collided with ego

i'll try to read a book or soothe my mind
or listen to music
or tend my plants

but inside i'll know it is all still there
all the love and understanding
all the mysterious unknowns
the awareness of the infinite expanse of all
and the feeling of the inability to share it entirely

and i'll hope to forget everything

the song



-Lahmadaj

the music reach

back to the time
inside more than
each to his
a space
in ear

-Lahmadaj

Roberta Flack

First Take

damn

gets me going

tears a flowin

dancing my bones

free



-Lahmadaj

hey look

family

i'm not a loser

forgot to e-mail you to let you know

i've got my own apartment now

i even have a few friends

not saving the starving children

but i feed a lot of them music

hey look

i'm not a wasted soul

got my own place

got a job

made a friend

moving up

i think i see the beginnings of air

pulled from the earth


-Lahmadaj

oh music

the only thing worth anything

a fortune not
in the man's hands

good thing

good thing it's here

otherwise
I'd not


-Lahmadaj

it's all

there
each day
the turning
each day

pleading with the strawberries
his face lowers
drip the leaves

can't imagine anything else
a million infinite
each day

enter the tune
a length of fret
trigger finger

there it is
each day


-Lahmadaj

what is the what

warehouse shaking
includes the brain false
breaking the torrent
into mist of solid
elate the breath
the ground does shake its body
all times is the time
if you'll hear the music
it can taste
touch the tentacled rain

the lord sayeth rejoiceth

-Lahmadaj

Glenn Beck

oh beck beck peck peck
too bad you're not Beck

then you'd be beautiful music

low low man sam
bring your finger higher

wish you'd evaporate

barely hear you speak
though on occasion it invades

wasting your breath

keep on shouting slogans
it will not save your heart

one day to stop and burn itself useless

in line of seeing
appearing like dumb HS peer

your mind flounder

go on and take the bait
convinced yourself again

to hate things

oh beck beck fleck fleck
twist off your head

then you'd be a martyr


-Lahmadaj

a palace

the Alhambra palace was next to me once on a circling walk
I began this trip to see the interior
of this structure close to Granada, Spain
a beautiful and amazing city
I strolled along its outer walls
took a picture from above of a map of its floor plan
there were vines of red above on the yellow mute stucco
the travel to the lower side was a scene
for the mid December air had the leaves autumned
a small stream ran near the high walls and the shadows
along the path did lie
once to the foot of turning water
and the end of walls
after water falling
I climbed a small drive
then a wall or gate to see the distance before me
Upon my height realized my property intrusion
held a moments glance to remember
then descended cacti trail
a leap from the wall
back to a path hearing music
the light shone early


-Lahmadaj

it was fairly late

no one was around me
i sat alone
my cacti grew on the left
the light on
making music
i may never hear
thinking about another life
knowing it's impossible
did we fall away
is he already gone
not sure

-Lahmadaj

last night

I went to hear four bands play in a basement in Seattle's central district.  This concert occurred Sunday July 18.  I arrived to hear the last 3/4's of the last song of the first band.  The remaining three bands followed.  I drank beer before I attended this show.  I asked some people to join me, but none could make it.  I drank beer during this show.  I've been to this house a number of times, almost always alone since I don't know many people.  It was one dude's birthday.  This fellow lives at the venue house.  He also played in a band for this show. He is a cool guy and friendly.  He's turning 34 on Tuesday.  Between bands, I spent sometime wondering around outside looking into the sky.  There were a moderate amount of attendees at this concert.  Many concert goers smoke and talk outside between sets.  Some people know each other and have been associated in their lives. There were a few stars in the sky; I saw the big dipper by accident.  It was about to dump galactic dippables onto a smoking party-goer.  Nothing fell from the sky.  I found the north star via BD's handle and thought, 'who cares what direction.'  I think I texted my lover at this point or drank more beer.  Quiet like the sky.


-Lahmadaj

this line

is bent

red apple

he knows what I'm sayin

dancing in the light

a pen draws and writes

look at me and laugh

thisfeelssoweird

and the fuzziness

glad to be here

thinking of the time

we are somewhere else

there are people here, but they have fake lives

a lot of prescribed needs via media face

that's definitely me

faked

we've convinced ourselves of the validity of a reality
we have described

it's so much easier

please earth fill me with music and freedom
make me see the truth
help me sway my anger for blindness and self-deception

give me music and dancing

watch the world fast bird arc in sky


-Lahmadaj

Glückwünsche

Christina and Michael

today they've been married

today i heard a song along the shore

the sound of winds and laughter

today my friend called me on his phone

included in the gathering

i smiled to think

could hear and see her face

the thick air to gently sway the fabric

a sun and spots of cloud

today they were married

today the force of dancing and singing

energy friends

and love

the sky unfolded

a clasp of hands

to kiss in the glinting breezes

feet

caress the ground

to forget myself

and release

free to do so at all moments

insinuate the constant attempt of this

may shift to actual

am one of the lucky ones

in the rise and fall a turning

the music forever swaying

can I make this

continue

of course nothing




-Lahmadaj

chili peppers

yeah the red hot

mother's milk

i had no idea of this music

the thrash

got the rhythm

feels


almost not as old


nobody weird like me

oh this one

it's easy

the time

the sound

the lyric

the tap of rhythm

your reeling mind

escape with the music

place your feet solid

grind like some motha

grab your free soul

lift the top of this encasement

let the needle fall

gently and pop into glisten

thank dog for the song

-lahmadaj