open

seeing the fear in false republicans' eyes

knowing they're lies

throw it over here

the bone

toss it high into the sky

see its twisting spiral descent

wonder of its internal lattice

easy for the eyes yes

looking to the sky

and imagine the reality of freedom

the cage of person

the relief of one

imagining the possible

touches into sweetness

the only one


-Lahmadaj

...

it is easy and will not stop when eyes are closed

will not stop when hands release

will begin each moment


-Lahmadaj

I laugh

and think to myself

about the times i've accidentally sold my truth for the social ease

i waste my time thinking and imagining the froth of possibilities

look back and see myself the same despite my growing age
wonder when i can share this with another
there was one; no longer
myself again and the earth
like the first day

wonder if I'll change myself into something new
a pattern repeated a pattern

i'm unhinged compared to most americans
still chained to the cycle
vices
loneliness
inadequate resources
finite

I think and laugh to myself
despite all this
the air still feels so good

the light meets my eye
and my skin delivers

-Lahmadaj

old dudes

so my old dude calls me up today
we hang out sometimes though we are no longer lovers
we love each other
we don't have sex
we aren't together
we talk occasionally

we sometimes play tennis or ride bikes
we've been trying to play the last week but our schedules don't work well

i tried calling him today because i was thinking about him
kept thinking about his glasses and his eyes

worked sort of late
got off work and felt the descent of the brain swell mind hell
life's depression forever lingering
one day it will stop-- hey kids, do you know when that is?

he calls me up after i eat dinner
cool to talk to him
he tells me all his successes about the job offers he's accepted and the multiple positions he is getting that he didn't think would work out but everything seems to be working well and he is hooked up and he was worrying about it for weeks and acting like he'd never get a job or have his dreams fulfilled. but now he's getting a raise and a great new position and another avenue is opening

he tells me about it tonight on the phone
i am glad to hear he got them, honestly, because i am also proud of him
but as i listen, i begin to feel inadequate myself; please see the brain swell hell already in place
towards the end of our conversation, that has now gone on for an hour of shared topics and him telling me his successes and relief for such a great day and the gratitude he felt for his life,

he states: oh and A, i wanted to talk to you about something. i don't think you've been a very good friend lately.  it was awkward hanging out with you such and such a day.  you seemed distant and different.

i couldn't recall a reason why, and i don't know if one existed other than we don't hang out that often any more and i had some things on my mind while playing tennis; who knows

now the cloud is suddenly darker and looms from months old
relationship sludge thickly coating my shoulders and feet
fuck this again; he's so good at the mind fuck, and innocently so
tactless

spent 2 years thrown about his innocent manipulation and diva like hijinks
and my own characteristics flailing

eventually we got off the phone

to plan another day to hang
i'd like to but wonder if i'll be more myself now that he's said weird shit, a good chance not
but i may be able to handle it; freedom

now i'll spend the next hours of wakefulness ignoring our conversation and all the words he said bouncing around my skull

i'll think about dying and the hell which is human awareness and love when collided with ego

i'll try to read a book or soothe my mind
or listen to music
or tend my plants

but inside i'll know it is all still there
all the love and understanding
all the mysterious unknowns
the awareness of the infinite expanse of all
and the feeling of the inability to share it entirely

and i'll hope to forget everything

the song



-Lahmadaj

Phelps People from Topeka

I almost began this {deleted}, then realized the {deleted}.

are these fundamentalist {deleted} going bonk bonk

probably already have, considering

{deleted} use the word hate in {deleted}'s stupid posters

{deleted} self righteously stand around acting angry and offended by the society around {deleted}

one {deleted} have helped to create

{deleted} think {deleted}'s religion is truth

{deleted} use the word hate, but have {deleted} ever read anything from the bible

anything '{deleted}'s god' had to 'say'

pretty sure if the Big Cheese Jeese was walking around

{deleted} would be slapped down and then given a flower; would that open {deleted}'s eyes

what if this supposed 'god' hates fundamentalist {deleted}, not fags as {deleted} have exclaimed

aren't {deleted} forgetting one important thing: there is no god to hate or love-there is no magical man in the sky-it's all in {deleted}'s mind-all {deleted}'s fear and hate will be with {deleted} in {deleted}'s dying time-it will stay close and take {deleted}'s energy quickly-{deleted} will cling and cling-and {deleted}'s hate will win-{deleted} will be alone with all the ghoulish froth inside of {deleted}

and if {deleted} found out Jeebus did 'hate'

then {deleted} would quickly see that he 'hates' {deleted}

{deleted} and {deleted}'s blinded impotent unconvincing biased views and {DELETED}'s hatred

I hope it eats {deleted}'s heart and digs deep inside {deleted}'s pit

turns {deleted} into mush

until {deleted} disintegrate into the ground like a wet slime mold meeting its expiration

-Lahmadaj

Glenn's a dick

never really listen to this guy
when i do all i can think is: limp slimy dick with the most noticeable characteristic being the cluster of genital warts pulsating from its craggled tip

he reminds me of those uptight kids in gym class that wanted to be friends with the 'cooler' stronger dudes, but were too egomaniacal to make it work. Maniacs about their lame ideas and uninspired false gusto

he yells out loud and acts like a bad math teacher trying to drive home the importance of protracting to the ears of booger pickers and pubescent rages

he gets so 'intense' but merely sounds like a bitch: screechy little boy complaining about his lunch and disappointment in the new class president
his cohorts spit back modulated a half step up, thin and overly convinced as to make it sound false
their hearts turning black

he believes in jesus, i think
but not the real one, the King James Version- rich white boys

he is a media whore
lining his fat ass with stupid americans' money
people from my home state
too bored and tired to turn off the TV
too afraid to see past their own phenotypes
that they'll listen to this blow fish fart out of his mouth

he's told me to 'mark my words'
so i did
in the annuls of self-entrapping power hungry loud but deflated pushy conservative bigots

don't you realize Glenn Glenn
it's in your eyes
you are false
it is easy to see
you are not strong
you are tired and weak
you get charged to make a desperate attempt
but your heart is taking the heat
beat after beat
until you choke it with your high call for uptightness throughout the world

keep those cheeks squeezed
if that much shit comes out your mouth
who knows what's lower down the track


-Lahmadaj

remember

the first in
gets the knife
the last day
look at his hands
covered
you can not see them
his turned toe
softy lying
the look in eyes
the last day
first in


-Lahmadaj

keep on

higher ground flounder sound and gallows turn the breaking point back to the beaches and the long slow pull drift early morning pissing by the way of earl and tend to sheep burning land is easy and free today is another day that is occurring and the night is here gone a lighted lantern and lidded eye

-Lahmadaj

the lines

purple

some orange
take flight quickly into risen cloud

blind my earthly eye


-Lahmadaj

breathe

air cold and liquid
frothing between eyes and lashes
against the folds of parchment
the slow draw of ink
and the smash of sea

tilt back the glaze
bring new love
reach behind the turning sand
and escape into silence

disappearing clouds burn slow in the evening

it feels so good



-Lahmadaj