a

ya ha hooo and a bottle a rooom

blew the smoke to the ceiling

watching the lights

grind the nail into wood

blink softly


-Lahmadaj

yesterday

was my birthday

not sure entirely about it all

woke up, as is the recent pattern

to the sound of my new next door neighbor's daycare business
the sound of very small children
singing, talking, yelling
and the lyricless voice
of an adult's kid voice
loud and solo
dominating the texture
verse after repetitive verse of three blind mice
and other nursery dirges

her voice louder than all
for they are tiny little children
drumming and clicking things

her voice sour and unending
wafting into my window
because they are directly outside
next to the house

her sugared and depressing
'YAAAAAAAAY!' of encouragement

demons

yes yes
some may say that the song of youth is a beauty

some may say

this is followed by her husband's
friend
grinding the shit out of a rusty smoker with a bristle brush
directly by my window

the high squealing rip of corroded metal
is almost too much for me

who the f. are these yohoes

i realize I am probably jealous

jealous of their newly refurbished house
a big house: attic, basement, backyard, kitchen, at least 3 or 4 bedrooms
multiple baths
for two 30 somethings
jealous of their free time to fix up the yard and create projects
to have guests in the backyard candle light
for wine and merriment

while i share a house with 4 other mediocre people
mostly inadequate and blinded
like moths
unendingly into bulbs
and a fifth lives in the basement
and our house is moist and moldy
and the rent is cheap (duh)
and I stay in my room almost all the time
other than cooking, shitting, cleaning, or leaving

decided to proceed to the park
else succumb to torment
of my current placement

oh at least the trees
the bird
the jellyfish

a turn of a crane

the quick color change of boat wake

the sun through clouds

my feet
back and forth
criss crossing

dig sand

another bird


-Lahmadaj

sexy men and women

if you are young
rich
and idle

then Ralph Lauren has a scent for you

if you spend early evenings
being cheered on by multi cultural
and extremely hot friends
whilst playing a leisurely game of polo
upon your horse

then Ralph Lauren has three scents for you

if you are part of a commercial
and your hair is flawless
and you're being watched by the audience
who can only hope to see you
naked and throbbing in a mass of beautiful bodies
rich naked idle carefree bodies

then Ralph Lauren has something to make you smell

differently


-Lahmadaj

it seems

as though there cannot be any more stupidity
of course the world delivers
from housemates leaving huge pieces of their own shit in the toilet
while blasting gallons of water down the drain
clipping nails and unravelling yards of paper
to
enraged gunman distributing bullets
no longer beer
wasting a few and self
instead of smoking one and going on a hike
to
the yelling frantic of half-baked T parties
and blind mechanical hate
so boring, their fanatics make me want to
amass as much soil and rock as possible
raise it high above the earth
and dump it into all their chomp chomp
yells and dildo speeches
to cover them in heavy sleep


-Lahmadaj

....

one wakes each morning
to sadness and unmotivated doings
each day
each morning
one lifts his head to find it sunken with ill fate
does not care about linked iphones
does not care about the over anxious business person
does not care about american success
does not want the media frothing and melting its false love
does not want conviction into the uselessness
each day
each morning
to low lighted images
tired for no reason
unhappy because others are happy
they are not
i am a lie
and the sky is above


-Lahmadaj

..

there is more here than they talk about

plenty under the surface of our vision

my skin sense and electric quiver

tremendous service a fall

and render the image useless

-Lahmadaj

.

not sure I like this feeling
telling my friend to leave


-Lahmadaj

will

someone help me

you have to help yourself

i know

like some sort of joke

right

playing on yourself

who


-Lahmadaj

it's difficult

to love

someone

then begin finding out later

more of how he thinks

yeah not so attracted to you

when you start 

talking to me in that way

asking me

finding out the narrow

motive behind the question

his assuming definitions of words

may be too f. to fix

that's what he wanted

maybe 

that's what I wanted

-Lahmadaj

trade

it in
give it to someone else
they give him something to hold
take it
play with it for a while
decide to trade it for another
deliver it to someone
they hand him something
accept it
use it for some time
see something better
find someone to take it
they'll throw him the lot
gather it
keep it close for a moment
crave something more


-Lahmadaj

a palace

the Alhambra palace was next to me once on a circling walk
I began this trip to see the interior
of this structure close to Granada, Spain
a beautiful and amazing city
I strolled along its outer walls
took a picture from above of a map of its floor plan
there were vines of red above on the yellow mute stucco
the travel to the lower side was a scene
for the mid December air had the leaves autumned
a small stream ran near the high walls and the shadows
along the path did lie
once to the foot of turning water
and the end of walls
after water falling
I climbed a small drive
then a wall or gate to see the distance before me
Upon my height realized my property intrusion
held a moments glance to remember
then descended cacti trail
a leap from the wall
back to a path hearing music
the light shone early


-Lahmadaj

it was fairly late

no one was around me
i sat alone
my cacti grew on the left
the light on
making music
i may never hear
thinking about another life
knowing it's impossible
did we fall away
is he already gone
not sure

-Lahmadaj

last night

I went to hear four bands play in a basement in Seattle's central district.  This concert occurred Sunday July 18.  I arrived to hear the last 3/4's of the last song of the first band.  The remaining three bands followed.  I drank beer before I attended this show.  I asked some people to join me, but none could make it.  I drank beer during this show.  I've been to this house a number of times, almost always alone since I don't know many people.  It was one dude's birthday.  This fellow lives at the venue house.  He also played in a band for this show. He is a cool guy and friendly.  He's turning 34 on Tuesday.  Between bands, I spent sometime wondering around outside looking into the sky.  There were a moderate amount of attendees at this concert.  Many concert goers smoke and talk outside between sets.  Some people know each other and have been associated in their lives. There were a few stars in the sky; I saw the big dipper by accident.  It was about to dump galactic dippables onto a smoking party-goer.  Nothing fell from the sky.  I found the north star via BD's handle and thought, 'who cares what direction.'  I think I texted my lover at this point or drank more beer.  Quiet like the sky.


-Lahmadaj

remember

the first in
gets the knife
the last day
look at his hands
covered
you can not see them
his turned toe
softy lying
the look in eyes
the last day
first in


-Lahmadaj

one gets that slow draw

and the bed is deep and languid marking infinite slumber that is impossible with this body eventually to wake itself and see light the window is open and cool air enters from outside the click of a clock which does not exist in this room and the plants grow slow wish to have some other friend and a place to dance cannot get going down down is the sand and the life i used to know which of course is not this life my life unfolded and planted bright sitting in the air of sun to wonder what is next and the lengths to run


-Lahmadaj